Who am I?
It’s a question that I bet most of us have been running from or haven’t even thought about it, right?
Well, welcome to my safe space, where I will try and help you answer this question for yourself. Before you get to know me, I’ll have to tell you one thing.
This is a journey of LOVE. It’s going to be long but it takes you from YOURSELF to YOURSELF. Pretty worth it, right?
“Once you open your beautiful heart you can heal from anything.”
Despite always being the ‘lucky’ kid whilst growing up, my life has been a continuous process of trying to run from and change negative emotions (fear, anger and pain) into positive emotions (feelings of peace, light-heartedness, forgiveness and joy).
Reflecting upon my life I realised that all the pain and traumatic experiences I’ve been through led me to where I am in this present moment: Awake. Finally Awake.
To summarize quickly, I started life as most of us do, innocent and with an open heart of a pure child, guided by its parents, family and friends in exploring life in its early beginnings. Since I can remember I’ve always had this drive of being curious and kind, compassionate and loving to all that surrounds me. Always with a need to help others, to make them smile and laugh at my quirky jokes, to take care of them, to listen to them and to be an example and a source of motivation and inspiration.
Always hard-working, driven and self-motivated, finished high-school with a big passion for mathematics (yes, nerd alert), with a lot of accomplishments in life, friends that loved me, stable financial situation, a roof above my head, food and everything I could ever ask for.
Yet, I felt like I was slowly dying on the inside, drowning in my own darkness.
After years and years of fear, panic attacks, depression, anxiety and anger, I managed to break through and take my first leap of faith towards changing my life.
Fast forwards to when I turned 18 and I left my home country, my best friends, family and my beloved bat (don’t worry, I don’t have an actual bat, it’s a black cat), and moved to the UK to study Event Management at Coventry University.
University for me has been a period of tremendous change, self-discovery, experimentation and fun (come on, that’s what University is for right? Oh, that and getting a Degree, of course), and loads of other life-changing events and happenings, some less positive than others.
With ups and downs (as we all have), I graduated University and somehow managed to finally find a sort of balance in my mental and physical health, but only for a short period of time (aspects which I’ve been struggling with for my entire life, always being sick, always unwell).
However, something was still deeply missing.
On the outside, it looked like I was living the life, I had a second upper-class Degree at a prestigious University in the UK, a wonderful and loving partner, a bright future ahead, loving family and friends and a brilliant and colourful personality.
It turns out that living with a blocked and encaged heart for the majority of my life had taken over the wheel a long time ago.
I wasn’t living the life that my heart was craving for, I was living from the place of the mind and ego.
And this is when my healing started. And let me tell you this, my healing came in the form of continuous, repetitive and painful major breakdowns and unfortunate events (yet again).
And actually, this “falling apart” was actually the moment when everything fell into place for the first time.
After graduating University I moved to the Island of Gods in Indonesia – Bali. It was calling me for so long without even me knowing it. And that was the moment in which I started my spiritual awakening and when I realized how misguided I’ve been by my own mind and the society that I was living in.
So I decided to follow my heart. FINALLY.
I did a one-month long Digital Marketing course, where I had the chance to meet incredible souls that taught me so much, both from a career perspective but also from a life and spiritual perspective.
Along with strengthening my skills and knowledge in all things digital marketing (by then I was already a nerd, experienced in website building, content creation, creative writing and much more), I actually decided to say “F**K IT* and allowed myself to open a door that I’ve always been afraid to go through – the door to my heart.
I was sick and tired to be in pain and to let my mind command my life. I was sick to live in the past and I was eager to open my heart and to heal EVERYTHING that needed healing within my beautiful soul.
Surrounded by the happiest people, the locals on the island who were living from one day to another without knowing what’s gonna happen or how, but those days in which they were blessed to be alive they were filled with compassion, love and kindness for every single soul that would walk past them.
I wanted that. A life full of joy, happiness, peace and purpose.
I finally knew that this was my destiny.
But somehow, never forgot one thing: I was keen on helping others to heal and to awaken to their true self within their hearts as well as helping myself.
For the next 5 months I lived on the Island and worked at one of the biggest companies in Canggu as a Digital Marketing Intern, where once again I’ve been extremely blessed to have the best manager and team by my side. My days were filled with amazing sunrises in my private villa, where I lived with the kindest Indonesian family whom I can call my own, always starting my day with natural and flavoursome smoothie bowls and tropical fruits, followed by my favourite Bali Kopi (a coffee with a different kind of aroma and feeling to it, one that “hugs” and warms you up on the inside – not that it wasn’t hot enough outside already) and a deep sense of gratefulness and joy, feelings that I could never explain in words, not even in this present moment.
That was also the moment in which I truly started to practice Yoga daily and to research Meditation, a decision which led me to extremely life-changing encounterings with several souls which opened my eyes and heart in million different ways.
Spiritual awakening and connection. This is summing up what I experienced on that island every single day.
My true calling was to arrive there to, yes, follow my training in Digital Marketing, but most of all to meet my true self for the first time in my life.
I always knew there is more to me and to my soul than darkness, pain and fear.
And damn, I was so right.
For the first time, I saw and felt light, joy, gratefulness, love, compassion, ME. I’ve finally met myself.
My heart was slowly healing. My heart was finally opening, and from that moment onwards, nothing was going to be the same again.
Remember when I said that my healing came in the form of continuous, repetitive and painful major breakdowns and unfortunate events (yet again)?
Take a guess. That’s exactly what happened. I became so ill, caught a bug in my gut which ate me from inside out, lost 15 kgs in a month, was fainting continuously, unable to eat, work, walk or exist, really.
What was actually happening was that I was purging. Damn, it was so painful. And not only that but familiar feelings of anxiety, depression, fear and all that came back into my life to test me.
To test my strength of mind, body and soul. After fighting it for a while, I gave up. I was so ill and out of power that I had to fly back to my home country in Romania, and be next to my family, in my home, and heal.
The healing began, but I was just about to discover that the actual healing was not physical, but spiritual. It was purifying me, getting me ready for the long and beautiful journey I had ahead, but about which I was still utterly unaware of.
After numerous visits, interventions and hundreds of dollars spent on doctor’s appointments, medicines and so on, LITERALLY no doctor or practitioner could point to a medical conclusion to what I was going through.
So then, I began to receive even more spiritual guidance from the Universe and through which I’ve experienced even more pain, suffering and hard times. The purging continued.
After slightly recovering from my ‘illness’, I moved to Amsterdam, where I was so determined to start working as a Digital Marketing Intern once again, for an IT company, whilst my heart and gut were trying to take me in the complete opposite direction – to follow a Masters in Digital Marketing back in Coventry, UK, my home away from home.
Once arrived there, the true purging appeared. Every single thing, action or thought that I was having on a daily basis would get me in a sort of trouble or problematic situation in which I was continuously tested and hurt.
Trying to convince myself that they were just pure coincidences, I kept pushing and pushing from one day to another until I fell back down in that dark hole in which I’ve been living for my entire life. Depression. Darkness. Anxiety. Fear. Loneliness.
After almost a month of staying in that dark place, the Universe said “Ok,ok you purged enough. Take my hand and raise, beautiful.”
And so I did. I’ve witnessed and took part in a life-changing event in the centre of Amsterdam in which I had a true and spontaneous Kundalini awakening. It was an extremely difficult spiritual initiation which caused me even more pain, reflection, doubts and feelings of loss and despair, disconnection to self and my loved ones, and uncertainty.
However, after that, life started for me. Day by day, step by step. I was finally coming out of that cage. Slowly, but surely.
I was finally starting to channel my healing, I was finally seeing the beauty in all that surrounds me. I was starting to get out of my shell, to go on bike rides through beautiful Amsterdam, to take myself out on dates, go shopping, walk in nature, take photos, be with myself and feel complete.
I was keen to open to unconditional love, but not ready yet.
My spiritual awakening was intense, painful and really challenging every single day, but I would not change anything. I am so grateful and filled with joy, love and compassion in this present moment that I could not thank the Universe enough for giving me that hand in that dark moment of despair and throwing me into an even deeper hole.
I no longer wanted to live with a blocked heart and a controlling mind.
So, fast-forward again, after giving up my Internship (even before starting it) in Amsterdam, I came back home in Romania and I finally followed my heart, despite people’s contrary opinions and thoughts.
I enrolled in a full -time Digital Marketing Masters at Coventry University and ready to dive straight in without looking back, I embarked in my Spiritual Journey.
From that point onwards, to sum up (again), what I’ve been experiencing?
LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS.
LIFE-CHANGING ENCOUNTERS WITH PEOPLE.
SELF-DISCOVERY.
SELF-LOVE.
FORGIVENESS.
PEACE OF MIND.
AND A NEW LEVEL OF COMPASSION.
My heart has been set free.
And from there onwards, my curiosity and my continuous desire to find out more and more drove me every single day of my life, and it will continue to do so.
For a while now I’ve been on a mission to find and design the most effective, actionable and powerful tools that can keep helping myself and others to open their hearts and control their minds.
Currently, whilst actively being a top-notch nerd in my studies (absolutely love the course, the people I’ve met and the lecturers and professionals I had the pleasure to work with, my sacred space – my home and everything in between – I call them Serendipity – you’ll hear this word a lot from me throughout my blogs), I could not be more grateful (again) that I’ve finally emerged from that place of deep darkness and for being placed back into the “real” world – my inner world.
The journey is long, but damn it’s beautiful, uplifting and pure.
Every single day I go to sleep and wake up with the same drive, curiosity and love towards going on a much deeper level of awakening, as now I am fully committed to embracing a life where I can finally feel ALIVE and HAPPY every single day.
The most valuable lesson I can share with you at this present moment?
I found the key to a happy life and it had always been in my heart.
I’ve been training for the last years in mathematics, event management, digital marketing, became a Fitness Instructor, danced around the idea of studying Psychology, followed the path of creative writing, tried the life of a digital nomad and travelled the world whilst discovering my passions and being constantly challenged, and now I am actively ACEing a Masters.
Yes, you might say – okok, do you ever take a break?
Sweet and short? Nope.
And it’s thanks to this immense diversity of personal and professional experiences that I’ve learned how to listen to my heart.
What’s next?
Soon to qualify and start freelancing in Digital Marketing as a professional, soon to become a Yoga Teacher throughout S-E Asia and soon to build upon my own business, however, my main aim will keep being to resonate with what my heart truly desires, to listen to my inner voice, to surround myself with the same energy I have in me and to keep learning how to help others in opening their hearts and discovering their true self.
My soul thanks yours for connecting with me and for taking your own and unique leap of faith towards finding your key for a blissful life.
I am looking forward to helping you open your heart, to heal and to live a happy, peaceful and compassionate life.
Sending you Love and Light,
Laura 🙏
P.S. I wrote the description of this photo a month before I moved to Bali. Do you see what I’m talking about? Your heart knows what you need and want before your mind does. All you have to do is learn how to listen to it. And once you learn that, your life will never be the same again. Namaste! 💜
